© Mike Shapiro
In RIFF Waveform (.wav) form: jeffsong.wav
In .aiff form: jeffsong.aiff
Circa 1990-91 there was a close knit group of friends in Pittsburgh, PA referring to themselves as UsTM. What started as a weekly gathering for an A D & D game quickly began to focus on what became known as the "After the A D & D Adventure" where we would do things like go caving or disrupt things at local restaurants.
I was the first to abandon this merry band by leaving the city to continue my collegiate career at Eckerd College in Florida. A going away party was held in my honor where each attendee had to give me a present. The rules for the present were that you couldn't get help from another person in getting / making it and all of its parts couldn't cost more than $5. An award was to be given out at the party for the best present, which was, of course, judged by me.
The winning gift was that of Mike Shapiro (currently engaged in projects such as this) who wrote, composed, recorded, and performed (gulp) the Jeff Song. It is worthy of note that the rules were conceived by Mike with foreknowledge of what his gift was to be. The $5 limit was, in his words, to prevent anyone from giving me a gift I might appreciate more, such as a car. The only cost to Mike was the $2 Maxell tape on which it was recorded. (I suppose there was an opportunity cost to me of a car. Mike is getting a bill.) Mike would later go on to a career composing music of lesser note but of wider tolerability.
Now everyone knows
I can't sing.
But neither can Jeff
and that never stopped him.
So grab some Gummy Bears and fill your Coke glass to the brim.
And all join hands, and certain glands, and sing this reverent hymn.
Now there's a man,
a certain bloke,
whose name suspiciously rhymes with Breath Soak.
He's going to sunny Florida;
we kinda hope he chokes. *bla-heck*
To know him is to have to lend him money.
He's Jeff Yoak!
Jeff is neat.
Jeff is cool.
Jeff often eats,
but Jeff never drools.
Jeff oozes wisdom from each molecule.
We just hope Jeff's not crucified after a week at school.
Jeff rides bikes.
Jeff can drive.
It's a small wonder that Jeff's still alive.
We're glad Jeff's name isn't Biff, Bart or Clive.
Jeff thinks as if he's thirty and behaves as if he's five.
Jeff's not Jesus.
Jeff's not Elvis.
Jeff has two kidneys, a spleen and a pelvis.
Where did you get your funky hair-do, Jeff tell us.
Your knack for fiscal sophistry would make a tapeworm jealous.
Jeff is keen.
Jeff is fun.
Jeff will be overjoyed to hear that his song's done.
Time to go before he finds a shotgun.
Now Jeff is going to Florida.
Now Jeff is going to Florida.
Jeff is going to Florida.
The ENDJeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff-Jeff-Jeff, Jeff, Jeff-Jeff-Jeff!
Kirt Dankmeyer deserves Honorable Mention for his gift of the world's first unary computer.
Return to the main page.